Remember, Mourn, Celebrate

Really, really missing my mom right now! It amazes me that after 23 years it can still be so hard.

She loved Christmas and made everything so sparkly and magical and beautiful. Every year she would Hide our presents before Christmas and not be able to find them all in time! 🤣 There was always at least 1 more thing for somebody that would come out of her closet within a day or two and she would be so upset. We would be excited that Christmas giving lasted a little longer for us! Lol

She set Santa Clause out every single year, even for Margret and Berlon who were much older and moved out already. She and I would make homemade candy and cookies and all kinds of things.

I daydream of her huge long hugs and wish I could have one right now! No one can understand the pain of losing a mom so early unless they’ve endured it themselves. I was 17 years and 3 days old. I hurt for that girl, for that teen who came home from school and found her mom barely cold. I remember every moment of that day and the events that occurred after. It was a Friday, October 18th. I couldn’t eat for 3 days. I was numb. On Monday when everyone was busy finalizing arrangements, I got up and went to school. I couldn’t go with the family and face the truth and I couldn’t stay home alone. I wanted my friends. That night we had the viewing, still numb, I smiled and shook everyone’s hand and stayed out of the room where my moms body was. Just as it was ending I went into the room and looked for half a second and walked out mortified at my mom’s hair and make-up! If she could have, she would have rolled over! The woman who did the job was so proud of herself because mom was so special to her… not real close apparently. She made my mom look like an old lady. She would never have done her hair and make-up like that. She would have been livid! I can hear her complaining about being embarrassed to this day! (You can laugh at that last part, I am!) Lol

I was watching my dad Saturday at the family Christmas party. He doesn’t stand as tall as he use to and he’s had to slow down some the last couple of years after having a heat stroke on a golf course out of town!! He was stuck in a hospital for about 2 days alone. We were 20 driving hours away on vacation at the time. It was horrible. Although It’s painful and hard to watch him grow old, I am so unbelievably thankful that I get to watch him grow old. I remember being so little sitting on his huge foot and holding on to his muscular calf while he took me for a ride around the house, one of my favorite things ever! Now, I get called “baby girl” and get the sweetest hug and kiss but only when he’s been drinking! Otherwise he’s very focused on what he’s doing and wants to be left alone! Lol 😂Another laughable discrepancy.

I know some of you are having hard moments in between the rush and ready of making everything as perfect as possible. Please take those moments. For years I haven’t, but to heal I need to, and so do you. Give yourself permission to cry and remember. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to face your memories. Take those moments and then dry your tears and look at those who are right there with you. Look them in the eyes. Listen to them smack their food (teens), watch them get excited about new gifts (the young and old), enjoy the traffic and the lines. Grab a cup of coffee, put on your favorite scarf even if you live in Florida like me… just pretend it’s cold. Turn on your favorite Christmas music and savor the moments of wrapping gifts and then watching your loved ones rip into them like little maniacs. Take a moment to remember and mourn and then let’s celebrate the ones who are here. Savor each moment and remember the very reason we can rejoice in the ones gone, being in Heaven, is right here! It’s Christmas! The birth of Christ is here. Rejoice!

Have a Blessed and very Merry Christmas!

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