Wow! I’m pretty devastated to tell you the truth. Someone I really enjoy following on FB who has inspired me and shared scripture at just the right moment, isn’t perfect after all. I say that a bit sarcastically, but also with a broken heart. Lysa Terkeurst of Proverbs 31 Ministries is getting a divorce. You can read all about it with this link: http://bit.ly/2sldEn3
I read her blog and googled her family and upon doing so, I found another blog titled “What does this say about our marriages?” I have to admit, I didn’t even open it up! Maybe I should have. Maybe it’s similar to what I’m going to say… but maybe it’s not.
Let me tell you what Lysa’s marriage says about your marriage or my marriage. The same thing my parent’s marriage says about my marriage. Absolutely NOTHING!
My parents were divorced after 23 years of marriage and there was infidelity, brokenness, screaming matches, more brokenness, and it ended with me coming home from school at 12 years old and my dad had moved out. Nothing was left on or in his messy dresser except a few coins. I’ll never forget that day. Likewise, Lysa’s marriage is ending after 25 years of marriage. There was infidelity, brokenness, marriage counseling, and screaming matches along the way. I know many more… many, many more with similar stories. Broken families. Hurt and broken families filled with anger and children left to suffer living in the in between.
Do you know what else I know? What else I know, is God is good. This year my husband and I will celebrate 15 years of marriage and we are happy. We don’t have a huge ministry. I write this blog when I have time. I sing at church. We both give. We love missions but haven’t been able to go serve in a few years. We have surprise baby number 3 on the way. We homeschool. We own a business. I’m back in college. We juggle our lives every single day! We both have had opportunities to break our marriage vows. We both have suffered from pure exhaustion from our schedules. We both have continued to put our family above anyone else! Our love for each other has grown so much since the first day we met, that sometimes I think I may explode with thankfulness for the man God has blessed me with. My prayer is that we die together at 90 & 95 years old holding hands snuggled up together in bed.
We give to one another. We let go of the things we can’t control. We rarely fight and when we do, it almost always ends with us laughing. We respect each other. We communicate with each other. We keep the spice in our marriage (insert baby #3). We do things on a regular basis to please one another. We find joy in each other. That’s love.
Our marriage is private. What you may read on FB or on Wise Little Nuggets is just a snippet of our lives together. We don’t share our bodies or our beds with anyone else. We don’t look at things in magazines or on the internet that we shouldn’t be looking at. As man and wife, God has ordained my body to be Clay’s and his to be mine and we stay in the confines of marriage. We find joy in faithfulness to one another. There’s no need to look at other men or women or long to be with them.
Our marriage is ours.
Lysa’s marriage is hers. We need to pray for her and her family. Although her marriage says absolutely nothing about my marriage, as a Christian woman, whom she has blessed, it is my duty to pray for her, her family, and her husband. We are all the body of Christ. I will continue to follow her on FB and I pray that God gives her a beautiful redemptive story that will bless her socks off and grow her ability to reach other women!
Here are some bullet point take aways for today about marriage:
1. Keep God first! I mean really keep him first. Lip service won’t keep your marriage strong. A right heart, time with God, praying for wisdom, and praying for your spouse will!
2. Communicate effectively! Be open and honest at all times with your spouse about everything! Take time to cool down before you speak if you need to, or take time to put your thoughts in order, but then share. Honestly and completely!
3. Be faithful! We all as humans will have an opportunity to not be faithful, to take a relationship to the next level, to confide in this other person rather than going to your spouse. STOP! IT! NOW! You can choose a very long road of hurt and brokenness, or you can keep things good and right and say NO! You have a choice!
4. Love selflessly! Love is not just an emotion. We don’t always feel madly and passionately in love, do we? This is where true love comes in. True love isn’t about passion. True love is about giving, serving each other, respecting each other, and enjoying the small moments together, or the eye contact that needs no words. Hold hands, scratch his back, rub her feet… show your love is deeper than words through your actions and your thoughtfulness towards one another!
5. Remember! When all else fails and life is happening, remember where you came from. Remember the plans you’ve made for the future and the goals you’ve set together. Remember your children and remember that you don’t want them to have a broken family. Remember the vows you made. Remember, your marriage is a covenant between you, your spouse, and God and your children are also involved.
John 10:10 (NIV) The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
Don’t allow the thief to steal what God has blessed you with and what he has ordained. God brings life and life in abundance. Choose Him and His plan for your life, for your marriage, and in all you do.
Father, I thank you that no matter what happens in this crazy world, I have you. Lord, give me wisdom. Give me a new fire filled with compassion, respect, and joy in regards to my spouse. Show me ways to pray for my spouse and to bless my spouse. Thank you Father, that I am able to not be selfish, but I am able to put my spouse before myself and live as partners in this busy life. Show me ways to show my gratitude and admiration towards my spouse! We love you Jesus! Be the center of our marriage! Amen!