I’m writing and really don’t even have time to now. I need to go to bed as I have a very long day ahead of me tomorrow. I didn’t realize it had been 5 months since I last posted on Wise Little Nuggets. Again, I fall short. I never make resolutions but I did in 2016 and I failed at both. I was supposed to fill our empty picture frames with photos and write my blog everyday. Again, I fall short.
I just took a glance at my last entry here and it’s titled “The Secret to Happiness“. It’s about anxiety. The words are true and good and if you struggle you need to read them. The words above are linked.
Again, I have battled with anxiety. In fact, December and early January were worse than I have felt in a very, very long time. I think it was a combination of drama in my life that was completely unnecessary but put there by people who I love which makes the drama oh so real, along with Christmas which was my mother’s favorite time of year so I miss her, meeting with my heart surgeon for the first time, having a month long “break” from normal which doesn’t really bode well with me, I need routine and I need busy. It was also a culmination of rudeness, being ignored, my children being ignored, my husband being stressed because I’m stressed and the tears my children and I both shed. They wouldn’t stop coming. In the mix is good old FB to stress you out on a happy day and Oh my gosh, why can’t I just delete my account? Anybody I ever really talk to has my number. I don’t know why.
I feel like I’m still on edge a bit… Like don’t bring up any of the above or I may just tell you exactly how I feel and you’ll walk away thinking “she needs a glass of wine and a hot bubble bath”, which may be correct, but most importantly I need my Jesus as always.
I need my Jesus.
Why do people automatically think you can’t feel ever again, you can’t ever have an opinion, and you’re always judging them just because you live for Jesus? This is another constant irritation. I have to explain something to you all very quickly and then we’ll pray together because I need it and let’s face it… so do you, everybody does!
- Yes! I love Jesus
- Yes! I still have opinions and they are no more judgmental than your opinions.
- No! Being a blood washed sanctified believer of Christ does not give me or anyone else claiming to be a Christian the RIGHT to sin. It just ain’t so.
- Yes! I suppose we are all hypocrites, even you. I suppose we all say things sometimes and then do things that don’t correspond with what we’ve said. It happens.
- You judging me telling me I’m judgmental is being judgmental. Do you see? If you don’t call yourself a Jesus follower, but I do, you still don’t have the right to judge me and tell me I’m judging you. It doesn’t make since.
- Lastly, Yes! I drink wine. Jesus turned water into wine and no, it was not unfermented as I was told as a child. He did not turn water into grape juice at this wedding His own mother was attending, but that’s a whole ‘nother blog post that we’ll save for later.
You see, Jesus dying for me and you and me receiving it and hopefully you receiving it too, doesn’t mean that I’m all of the sudden a pompous witch. It means That I’m forgiven and it means when I DO mess up, because I will again, I can ask for forgiveness and he will grant me His grace, again. It means that when I die or when someone I love dies and they know Jesus, I have the hope in knowing that we will once again see each other in Heaven with Jesus Christ. I mourn, but I am not destroyed. My salvation and relationship with Christ does not mean that I am emotionless and I magically turn into Mother Theresa. It means that when I struggle with anxiety, fear, doubt, sadness, loneliness, or despair, I have someone to run to, I have Christ. I am not left searching for answers, searching for hope, feeling lost or aimless, I have Christ. I have this assurance.
Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV) Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.
My salvation means that my God is with me. He is my protector, my bodyguard, my, my hope, my strength, my joy, my salvation. He saves me all the time, every time! I have this assurance.
Psalm 18:19 (NLT) He led me to a place of safety; He rescued me because He delights in me.
My Jesus delights in me. Can you think of anyone in your life who delights in you? I know my husband and my babies and my dad all love me dearly, but my Jesus delights in me. There is no scripture that says he delights in me only when I’m perfect. No! He delights in me, because I am His. I have dedicated my life to His service. He delights in me. I have this assurance.
Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV) The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in His love, He will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.
For real. My Jesus not only has rescued me from the sin of death, not only does He protect me and go before me, but he delights in me, and rejoices over me with singing. Honey, I’m not leaving that. This kind of love is one you can’t find anywhere else, not anywhere else. He is my safe place. He is my refuge. He is my life.
No, I’m not perfect. No, I’ve never pretended to be. If I have come across as pretending to be perfect, I am so very sorry that you have seen me in that sort of light. Yes, I love to give. Yes, I love to donate resources and time. Yes, I write this blog called Wise Little Nuggets because I’ve learned a lot in life. Yes, I love Jesus. Yes, I make mistakes. No, I am not perfect, but I serve the one who is and His grace is sufficient for all of my imperfections. If all you see when you see me is a body and a soul full of imperfections and things that need to be changed, I pray you see me for who I am. I am a wife of one, a mother of two and I happen to be a Jesus follower who loves you even when we disagree. I have opinions like you do, but if you don’t know Christ, our difference is this: I have a safety net. I have Jesus and He is always with me.
Lord, please help us. We all need it. We need you. I need you. I thank you for your grace that is sufficient, your calling to love and give and serve others. I thank you for my imperfections because that means I’m still alive and you still have work to do and you’re still with me on this Earth. Thank you for being my safe place, my refuge, my hope, my vision of the future, my strength, and my salvation. I love that you delight in me and sing over me. I delight in you and I sing over you in worship. With all that is within me, and with every breath that I breathe, I worship you and give you all that I am. I love you my Jesus. Amen.