14 years ago. Boy, was I a hottie! I’m just gonna be honest. I was! But, I didn’t think I was. I thought I was a whale. I knew every flaw I had including stinky feet and I believed that no man would ever want to marry someone like me.
When I look back at pictures and think back to those days, I remember a busy, busy girl! I worked full time, was taking 17 credit hours at Santa Fe, taught a middle school bible class at church and sang in the band there. I had band practices, lots of driving, lots of studying, lots of late night pizza binges and 2 hour sessions at the gym every morning! I would go to spin class at 5am for an hour, then run upstairs to do weights, then run back downstairs to run… Yes, run on the treadmill for 2 miles. I was in the best shape of my life! I also wrote songs and recorded 2 cd’s that year. I also still found time every night to read my Bible and get in the face of God!
I don’t remember sleeping, but I remember being in the presence of God and knowing He is who sustained me during this time.
Today, I’m running upstairs to teach the kids in the mornings and downstairs to change the load of laundry over and fix breakfast, snack, or lunch. I’m the woman I saw at the gym 15 years ago and looking at her thought (must read in snotty “valley-girl tone) “oh my gosh, I’ll never be THAT out of shape! Some people just let themselves go!”! Today… I’m her! I’m the wife and mother with back aches and foot problems and other aches and pains and though I know this is what aging will do to a body, it kinda bites! The truth is, I’m terribly out of shape. All I want to do some days is sleep and catching the Bible app on my phone is a good day. What happened to that spunky gorgeous Jesus loving girl? I’m not sure.
So, I’ve started a new plan! I’m excercising and eating healthy and hoping for the best. After all “that woman” also has a slow matabolism and forgets to eat sometimes. But, I’m trying hard. I’m dedicated. I’m working it. I’m not at all where I want to be or need to be, but never the less, I’m moving forward. I can’t get hung up on the fact that I’m not who I once was. In same ways, I have to shout hallelujah! That girl had terrible self esteem and alot of stress and anxiety. She cried alot. She was taken advantage of by people she loved financially and time related too. She had some growing to do. She had some, learning the word “no”, to do. But still, she made time for Jesus!
I’m striving to get back to her in some ways. I have to be the same mindful way with the Word of God as I am with eating healthy and excercising now. Getting back to where I once was isn’t going to be easy and honestly, I don’t know that I’ll ever get exactly back to where I was. But, I’ll press forward and do better each day.
I want you to Remember where you once were with the Lord. Remember that time that Father God truly did a miracle in your life and you were so over the moon in love with Him and thankful to Him and you didicated your life to Him. That time you said “Lord, if you just do this thing, I’ll serve you for the rest of my life” or that time He blessed you unexpectadly and it was exactly what you needed when you needed it. Maybe He healed your body or spared your life on this Earth. Remember what it was like the first time you felt the presence of God in your prayer time, at church, or in a moment of crisis. Remember how you felt? You knew in that moment that He was with you, He knew you and He loved you and you felt the same way about Him, your first love.
Make the decision today, that no matter what, you are going to do this! You are going to press forward and grow in the Lord this year. No holding back! No excuses. No ultimatums. No fear of what others will think or say. No fear of you making mistakes along the way. No more putting everything else first. No more excuses.
Find your first love again. Search deep and continue to allow the Holy Spirit to renew a steadfast spirit in you. Chew on this scripture for 1 more day; Psalm 51:10 “Create in me a clean heart oh God, and renew a steadfast spirit in me.”
Father, I thank you for today. I thank you for another breath to breathe, more love to give, and another chance to draw close to you. Lord, not only do I want more of you, but I want to give you more of me. I thank you for your unfailing love and unending grace. Continue your work in me. I love you Jesus. Amen.
Enjoy this song from Michael W. Smith, “Draw Me Close To You”